If you survived a childhood where there was violence, (sexual ) abuse, the chances are high that most of the time you are not (completely) in your body.
Simply because the anxiety, discomfort, anger, fear, feelings of being overwhelmed, is too big. As a child you needed to be able to sustain your position. You had to make an inner choice to overcome these feelings and sensations. To let them not take over your mind. To stay sane.
Disconnecting was the best choice. This decision was not made consciously. It was your survival.
Leaving your body with the stress stored within, will cause health issues. Mentally and physically. It can make you numb , passive, aggressive or something else.
If trauma is in your history it is important to seek help. Mentally and physically. Mentally because it is important to understand why you acted as you did. It is important to feel compassion for yourself. For how you survived, for how you dealt with it. To feel compassion for this young child, who didn’t ask for this, who didn’t do anything wrong, who usually was dependent of his or her perpetrator. There was no choice….
Physically healing is just as important. Your body can still feel as it is in a warzone. As it has to be alert all the time. On a deeper level. Muscle tension and alertness brings stress to your system. Even though you mentally know that it is over, that there is no actual danger any more, your body doesn’t know. The only way to heal this is to go into your body. Feel what is there. Fear, anxiety, anger, grieve. Stay there… This can be overwhelming. That is why professional help is important.
You need your body. You need your mind.
When you don’t allow your feelings to be felt in your body, you will stay in the state of how you are, the state of the past. Your body, the house you are living in, needs to know that it is over. That there is no danger anymore. That you survived, that you have the strength to feel everything there is. Comfort yourself, caress yourself. You can relax now.
When you feel the need to talk to me about this, don’t hesitate to contact me.